a post from my little one and shes only 9 mths and 26 days!

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ding dong

its been such a long time since i blogged. somehow, i have been more interested in my new social network, yes, the facebook. I am totally convinced that there is no way to escape technology. you have to upgrade or get lost.

I am so missing myself recently, i have had encounters of the worst kind and best kind during this past 2 years. sometimes i forget to accept and forgive myself and Jin that the past 2 years have been terrible stressful. Imagine, getting married, carrying a baby, preparations for the future, finding our place to settle in, the countless ways to maintain relationships, especially with the in laws, Jin chnaging job, having the baby, taking care of the little one, and most of all trying to be the best wife, mother, daughter, friend, lover and after all that, trying to remember the part of me that loved the freedom of travel, expression and choice.

The journey does not end. people say, it ends when u die. I believe , it does not end at all. All things said and done lives on for eternity. Imagine, who i am to my daughter would determine the person she will grow up to. will detrmine the person she will marry, will determine, the way she brings up her child.

Sometimes, i am afriad, that i lack the wisdom of words. I simply let go and forget that who i want to be. I say the wrong words or let go and continue in my selfish search for what i assume is my temporial pleasure. Alex, i know you would say, there is no right and wrong, Gsh i can hear your voice whispering in my ear. maybe you are right. so starting with the end in mind, i see jin and i growing old together. grandkids. long walks and swims. baking cookies and cakes decorations. Making gifts and toys. bringing the kiddies outings. travelling. adventures of peaceful kind..... everything i love. all in a nutshell.

so here i am signing out and sending love to all. i heart you. Sarah.

Journals of the hot mama

yes i kinda feel hot. not only the weather hot and also feeling good about how my life has turned out. and that feeling makes me feel super sexy.

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woah i have not been blogging for a long time. Dawn is now almost 6mths old, 7.36kg and growing really well. she keeps changing everyday i see her. its an almost visible difference. babies grow really fast. it is so good to carry your own child in your arms. even while on holiday, i cannot help and still i think of her. seeing her yabber and coos and her has this rrrrrrs that comes out from her mouth when shes happy. a bit like having a bird in the room. as these noises make me soo happy. shes so cute like nice and round. exciting to see how she turns out to be.

as usual we just came back from our quarterly getaways. doing nothing except shopping and yes, food! yumms. i swear, i just put on another 2 kg. i dare not even weigh myself for fear of seeing my current weight. i have gtta do something about it! let me see.....take part in a marathon. eat salad. ..ideal weight.55kg. daily dammits :( discipline here i come.

ok now heres something, we have been talking about takin a family pic together. and it came up recently someone is looking for models in a family advert. and asked jin if he could model for a family scene, with wife and baby. i think sounds like a good idea. dun be surprised if u see us pop up all over the busstops in singapore hahaha that would be fun.

i am so eagerly awaitng our new place to complete. i hope its soon. cannot wait to get away from the monster in law. and speaking about this, an advice for all you new couples, make sure that you have your own place before you marry! trust me. staying with the mother in law is gonna be the worst decision you ever made. i am making this a rule for Dawn when she gets married.

will blog more when i more time. love, sarah

my favourite thing

she s my little puppy. my little baby girl. and shes sooo cute and shiok to cuddle and carry :) heheheheh it is all worth it. even the night feeds that gives me my curent eye bags. last weekend we gave her her first crew haircut cause Jin says we must... to increase her hair volume. i think she did not know what was happeneng a bit like what Goldie feels when he goes to the groomers for his hair cut. hehehe. i know , funny how i always make comparisons with Goldie. well, she is like a little doll in my arms.

she came out at 2.44kg and now she is almost 6kg already. she definately has long legs and arms... very much like me i'd say ...and pretty long eye lashes... just like Daddy. it is the greatest feeling in the world to pick my little Dawn up , put her to my face and smell her wonderfl baby smell :)

i am so totally in love.

this is it. where everything is supposed to add up. well, not really. i am still living. alive? dun know. i sometimes feel chained locked up. robotic. clautrophic. a mother, wife, daughter, career woman,... i seem to have lost my balance somewhere. being a mother is a burden. it's heavy. i have to care for someone else besides myself. her well being, whether she is taking enough and even ....has she pooped? 2-3hours. yes i work within those timeframes. those are Dawn's feeding times. during the intervals, i cramp in laundry, market research, ebay shopping, lunch and dinners. it is a simple life. i am not used to it.

The act of leaving the house without the baby and just hanging out at borders or even slipping into office for meetings are like a little pieces of heaven freedom. how could i have fogotten how i love my work? the feeling of closing and completion? so satisfying. i miss it.

so now, i am awaiting the period where she can start attending childcare.... in 18mths! and thats a long time. so here are things i want to set up in the next 1 mth. with or without the hubbs. i will find a way.

1. exercise regime. 2 times a week.
2. complete my driving lessons. test date in august.
3. start connecting with old friends.

i am sooo bloody hungry again!